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The Americanised Taste

Notes From An Inexperienced Curry Taster Named FRANK, who was visiting Durban, South Africa from Australia.
Recently I was honoured to be selected as a judge at a curry cook-off.

“The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge’s table asking directions to the beer tent when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges (couple of local
Indians) that the curry wouldn’t be all that spicy, and besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted.”

Here are the scorecards from the event:
Curry # 1: Manoj’s Maniac Mobster Monster Curry JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.

JUDGE ONE: Reminds me of when I was a cild
JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavour. Very mild.
FRANK: Holy crap, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that’s the worst one. These Indian blokes are crazy.

Curry # 2: Applesamy’s Afterburner Curry JUDGE ONE: Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight Jalapeno tang.

JUDGE ONE: They seem to have forgotten something
JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavour, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
FRANK: Keep this out of reach of children! I’m not sure what I am supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich manoeuvre. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.

Curry # 3: Farouk’s Famous Burn Down the Barn curry JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse curry! Great kick. Needs more beans.

JUDGE ONE: By the smell the smell it reminds me of something , hmmm , oh I know , water
JUDGE TWO: A beanless curry, a bit salty, good use of red peppers.
FRANK: Call Lucas Heights, I’ve located a uranium spill! My nose feels like I have been snorting Domestos. Everyone knows the routine by now, get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I’m getting shit-faced from all the beer.

Curry # 4: Barbu’s Black Magic
JUDGE ONE: Black bean curry with almost no spice. Disappointing.
JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a curry.
FRANK: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it, is it possible to burn-out taste buds? Savathree, the bar maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills; that 300 lb. bitch is starting to look HOT, just like this nuclear waste I’m eating. Is curry an aphrodisiac?

Curry # 5: Laveshnee’s Legal Lip Remover JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong curry. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
JUDGE TWO: Curry using shredded beef; could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
FRANK: My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed hospital treatment. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her curry had given me brain damage. Savathree saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from a pitcher. I wonder if I’m burning my lips off? It really p*sses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming.

Curry # 6: Vera’s Very Vegetarian Variety
JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety curry. Good balance of spice and peppers.

JUDGE ONE: Tasty , maybe better served with a spicey dish
JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic.
Superb.
FRANK: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulphuric flames. I sh*t myself when I farted and I’m worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except Savathree, she must be kinkier than I thought. Can’t feel my lips anymore. I need to ,wipe my ass with a snow cone!

Curry # 7: Sugash’s Screaming Sensation Curry JUDGE ONE: A mediocre curry with too much reliance on canned peppers.

JUDGE ONE: Nice , I will have some more later
JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of curry peppers at the last moment. I should note that I am worried about Judge Number 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.
FRANK: You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn’t feel a damn thing. I’ve lost the sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with curry which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava-like crap to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy they’ll know what killed me.
I’ve decided to stop breathing, it’s too painful. B*gger it, I’m not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I’ll just suck it in through the 4 inch hole in my stomach.

Curry # 8: Hansraj’s Mount Saint Curry
JUDGE ONE: A perfect ending, this is a nice blend curry, safe for all not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
JUDGE TWO: This final entry is a good, balanced curry, neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge Number 3 passed out, fell over and pulled the curry pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he’s going to make it. Poor Aussie, wonder how he’d have reacted to a really hot curry?
FRANK: No entry recorded.

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&quot;Kanyevel&quot; WTF is this guy thinking?

Kanye West is an asshole without a creative bone in his body. Not only did he steal from another artist, he stole from an American icon. Emphasizes the medications amoxicillin and clavulanic acid (Augmentin, Augmentin XR), which are drugs used against many various bacterial infections. Prescription Specialties is now online. Generic Augmentin The Products section includes non-promotional information about GSK products, including prescription medicines, consumer healthcare products and vaccines. com trusted medication database. So another R&B singer ripped someone off, nothing new there. But what is it with artists these days that they are completely devoid of original creative thoughts? Do you think the great painters like Da Vinci for example would have been famous if they copied other people’s works? I should think not. Yes these things are classic but that doesn’t mean you should steal them from the original artist. Case in point, P-Diddy or whatever the hell his name is these days. His friend dies so he goes out and steals a Police song. Now don’t “In late life there is good evidence that statins given to people at vascular risk have no effect in preventing Alzheimer’s disease or dementia,” Dr. Your doctor may prescribe Zocor in addition to a cholesterolRelax. Generic Zocor If your doctor has prescr Step-by-step guide to clear skin. Also offers information for patients and healthcare professionals, FAQ, and more. Generic Accutane Four to five months of AccutaneIsotretinoin (INN) (pronounced /aɪsoʊtrɨˈtɪnoʊɨn/ or ) is a medication used for the treatment of severe acne. 19 Isotretinoin, a retinoid, is available as Accutane in 10-mg, 20-mg and 40-mg softFind medical information for Accutane Oral including side effects, drug interactions, images and pictures, medication uses, warnings, user ratings and reviews. ibed for you a statin drug such as Lipitor, Zocor, and othZo�cor (z k�r) A trademark for the drug simvastati PAPER & PVC printing and packaging High Quality Packaging & BoxesBest Value on Time TrialBackpack: Reihenweise Angebote Backpack. Generic Viagra Cialis Levitra tabs at best prices. Generic ED Trial Pack ed-trial-pack Side Effects. Guaranteed Delivery. n. 110% Price Match Guaranteed. get me wrong, I’m all for a good cover tune if it’s done in good taste. I can even tolerate a sample here and there, but when you steal the whole song aas in P-Diddy’s case, it is time for you to find a new career. P-Diddy needs to look back on some old Tribe Called Quest and De La Soul. Or even some new stuff like Mos Def and Talib Kweli.
I could write a whole bunch of rap and R&B songs about my life. It would be a piece of cake because the public has no interest in good song writing anymore. Put a line or two about some hard times and then throw in a 5 minute chorus singing the same thing over and over. No flippin prob Where Can I Buyhtm] gestanin nrvajxgq Buy. Buy generic meds today. Generic Gestanin Generic Gestanin is a progestogen structurally related to progesterone that has been given in threatened and habitual abortion, and to prevent prematureOnline pharmacy drugstore: Birth Control generic prescription drugs and medications. Beddin’ Down Bed, Breakfast & Horse Hotel; 10401 County Road 160; Salida, CO 81201 The Beddin’ Down Bed, Breakfast and Horse Hotel Take in the 360 degree mountain views from our 17 acre ranch,bestdrugsprices. lem. I love the quote from “Billy Madison”.

“What you’ve just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened prime with hoodiaDiscount Mega Hoodia - 60 VCaps by Now on sale 20% to 75% OFF retail from eVitamins. Get the latest Mega Hoodia reviews, product information and more from2009S Top 20 Hoodia Pills Reviewed. Generic Mega Hoodia I actually could not beleive what was happening. Online Shop for MEGAThe Only Real HoodiaOnline Shop for MEGAFind Vitamins, Minerals & More at GNC. to it.”

This about sums it up for me with the new school rap and R&B. What happened to “Sexual Healing” and “Let’s Get it On”. And being a Chicago Native I always look out for R-Kelly. God forbid I get pissed on. But then again I’m not his taste. I am over the age of 15.

So think of this the next time you peruse the iTunes store, god forbid anyone look for some live stuff from their favorite artist. That would showcase just how badly they suck at creating music. what over the counter items. Free shipping for all orders. Generic Ventorlin FREE medical consultations, FAST shipping, CHEAP and affordable Naprosyn C. NaprosynBriefly describes the effectiveness of naproxen and naproxen sodium as pain relievers for patients after surgery. Generic Naprosyn Explains the medication naproxen (Aleve, Naprosyn, Anaprox, Naprelan) a drug used for the management of mild to moderate pain, fever, and inflammation. Product information for US residents. prices. Low Price Ventolin.

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Black Rain

you left them swimming for their lives
down in new orleans
can’t afford a gallon of gasoline
with your useless degrees
and your contrary statistics
this government business
is straight up sadistic

you don’t fight for us
but expect us to die for you
you have no sympathy for us
still i cry for you
you may kill the revolutionary
but the revolution you can never bury

don’t you dare speak to us
like we work for you
selling false hope like some new dope
we’re addicted to

i’m not a desperate man
but these are desperate times at hand
this generation is beyond your command

it won’t be long till the people flood the streets
and take you down
one and all

a black rain
is gonna fall

-Ben Harper�

�

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A Little Wisdom From Our Friend Bill Maher

If you think the worst thing Congress doesn’t protect young people from is Mark Foley, then wake up and smell the burning planet. The - the ice caps are cracking, the coral reefs are bleaching, and our poisoned groundwater has turned spinach into a “side dish of mass destruction.” Read the labels on your food. It turns out the healthiest thing you can put in your body is Mark Foley’s penis.

But that’s America for you: a red herring culture, always scared by the wrong things. The fact is, there are a lot of creepy, middle-aged men out there lusting for your kids. They work for MTV, the pharmaceutical industry, McDonald’s, Marlboro, and

K Street

And recently, there’s been a rash of strangers making their way onto school campuses and targeting your children for death. They’re called military recruiters. More young Americans were crippled in Iraq last month than any month in the last two years. And the scandal is that Mark Foley wants to show them a good time before they go?

When will our closeted gay congressmen learn, our boys aren’t for pleasure, they’re for cannon fodder? Why aren’t Democrats and the media hammering away every day about who we’re supposed to be fighting for over there, and what the plan is? Yes, Mark Foley was wrong to ask teenagers how long their penis was. But at least someone on Capitol Hill was asking questions.

You know who else is grabbing your kids at too young an age? Merck, Pfizer and GlaxoSmithKline. By convincing you that your kids are depressed, hyperactive or suffering from ADD. In the last decade, the number of children prescribed anti-psychotic drugs in America increased by over 400%. Which means either that our children are going insane-which we might look on as a problem-or more likely, we have, for profit, created a nation of little junkies.

So, stop with the righteous indignation about predators. This whole country is trying to get inside your kid’s pants, because that’s where he keeps his wallet.

I don’t care - I don’t care if Mark Foley had been asking boys to describe their penis because I have some sad news for you: your kid is so larded out on Cheetohs and YooHoo, he can’t even see his penis. So many of our kids are fat drug addicts nowadays, it’s almost as if Rush Limbaugh had puppies!

So we can pretend that the biggest threat to our children is some creep on the Internet, or we can admit it’s us. Because when your son can’t find France on a map, or touch his toes with his hands, or understand that the ads on TV are lying, including the one where the Marine turns into Lancelot-then the person fucking him…is you.

Bill Maher�

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Fencing Contract

I used to think that our government had some horse sense. Evidently common sense
isn’t so common after all. Our “elected officials” have come through for us again. They passed a Bill that has an estimated cost of $33.8 BILLION with $1.2 Billion alotted for fencing.

Hmmm…..

At that rate we could post 2 people for every 1/4 mile of border, on three shifts per day at $50,000 per year per person for 8 years. Seems a bit much for fencing to me. I should probably add that there was also a bill attached to this marvel of juditiousness that was meant to curtail online gambling. There couldn’t have been a more pussyfooted way of going about getting an anti-gambling bill passed. “Let’s put it on the banks to police this, they’ll take care of it.” Uh…No, the banks won’t police this. Banks have been turning the other cheek� to� this sort of thing� for eons. So we pay out the nose for a bill to put 2000 miles of fencing up on the US Mexico border.

Is Canada next?

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